Slipstream

I wind my way down the Californian coast on the 101 S, from Santa Barbara,

hugging the coastal road for as long as possible, its late afternoon and I half watch the sun setting in my review mirror.

The sounds of a local radio station pumping out a fairly regular stream of oldies which I find pretty fitting for the stretch of the Ventura Highway I'm traversing.
I see the sign posts flash by and I cant help but feel a sense of wonder that I am where I am...I shake my head quietly to myself, the enormity of it all still gets to me at times!
Inspite of the modernization all around me, the music and the locale sucks me back to another era, and as i look around Im reminded how timeless this route truly is.
I hit the LA traffic at around 6pm,
and the next few hours are spent a crawl, I round a bend and the lights of city sprawled below twinkle prettily.
As we sit on the highway going nowhere fast, one car right next to the other the balmy weather

demanding that you drive with windows down,

the lucky ones in convertables..listening to each others music and telephone conversations as we inch along, all of us equalled by the stilling power of rush hour traffic.
However its the full moon rising just ahead which captures my attention,
it hovers just out of reach, turns as I do and I follow it south, and then west.
Truckers of America accompany me across the desert,
quiet companions, moving their giant bulks out of my way,

and the quick flash of lights as if to say 'godspeed' as I ease past, give me comfort.
I am amazed at the numbers of trucks on the road this night, parked in rest stops, in truckstops, and hugging the right hand lanes of the highways from one horizon to the other.
Early morning and the lights of Tucson welcome me back, I slip quickly into my parking spot,

the warm still air engulfs me as I lug my suitcase from my insect smattered car.
I only have energy to brush my teeth

and listen to your voice in my ear, as I drift off into the deepest of sleeps.

The first leg of a long journey is over...

A Family Wedding

For Lynne and Warren:

A special day for both of you!

I found a Najavo (Native American) tradition and wedding blessing which i thought summed up my thoughts for you today..have an awesome day.. my biggest wish of course..that I was there...!

The traditional wedding vase is one of the more popular. Coarse clay is dug from local riverbeds then mixed with other types of rock such as volcanic rock and Anasazi chips. It is thin cleaned and ground up, coiled, and shaped by hand. After the pot has been formed, it is smoothed out on the outer surface by using a smooth rock. Then a design is added to the exterior, if any. Most of the dried pottery is fired in an open, wood and sheep manure fire, resulting in "fire clouds" on the pottery's surface. When finished firing, an application of Pinion pitch is added. This water proofs the pot and adds a soft luster and wonderful aroma.

A week or two before the wedding, the future husband's parents make the wedding vase. When the vase has been made, the husband, his parents, and all his relatives go to the bride's house. Blessed water is poured into the wedding vase. The bride drinks from one opening of the vase, turns it around clockwise , and gives it to the groom who then drinks from the opposite side of the vase. They both cleans each others hands with the remaining water. This ceremony unites them in eternal love and a happy, successful, stable marriage. The couple will treasure the vase though out their married life. The wedding vase should always be protected. It should never be broken or destroyed

Now you will feel no rain,

for each of you will be the shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth to the other.

Now you are two persons,

but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling, to enter into the days of your life together,

and may your days be good and long upon the earth.Treat yourselves and each other with respect,

and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness,

gentleness and kindness

that your connection deserves.

When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship--as they threaten all relationships at one time or another--remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong.

In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives--remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment,

the sun is still there.

And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

I wish you both a lifetime of happiness!

Onwards and Upwards...

Pic: Saquaro cactus dried wood..the basic structure inside a cactus...all cacti actually, and all different too

So the next few weeks will be hectic, with little time to post much, I will try and leave you with a picture here and there, but for the next week I wont have much access to a computer.

On Friday I will drive up to Bakersfield (a 10 hr drive) from Tucson, and spend the weekend with my mom and sister. Monday I will shoot up to Sacramento (4 1/2 hrs) to get my Californian nursing licence, it involves paperwork and proof of credentials but not (thank heavens) an exam of any sort! It just sucks that each state has its own board of nursing, and each state has its own requirements for endorsement. And of course each time you apply..it costs a fair bit of money, somewhere between $200-300. So it does kinda take the fun out of relocation! Im soooo over relocation I cant tell you! I am hoping this will be quick and painless..it rarely is I find!

I will drive back to Bakersfield, spend a night with family and then over to Santa Barbara, to have my medical and drug screen and back home to Tucson. Work 3 (yes threeeee) more shifts and head west. I start my new job on the 8th Oct., its a permanent post, not a travel position..a much smaller unit, baby friendly..on the beach almost!

Im looking forward to the change. leaving Nic here in Tucson is heart wrenching in many ways..but absolutely the right thing to do. He seems to have settled, has a girlfriend, the two have moved in together and seems blissfully happy with the domestic arrangements. Two new kittens complete the picture. Im glad they're happy..long may it last!

Arghhhh..a long trip to navigate this weekend...

A Path of Beads

This was sent to me this morning, too good to keep to myself and needs to be shared..a tender poem written for me by Kennedy. Its sad but read in conjunction with my previous blog I think its just perfect.. a mothers words

take these beads

they are for your flight with the angels

who came for you

when the music of your short life was drowned out

by the sad silence of dark, still waters

under crystals of light falling from the sun

take these beads

they are for the dreams

that splashed across the empty canvas of your future

when everything was possible long before the cruellest truth became

that some dreams never take flight

take these beads

they are for the life you loved

that fell too suddenly away like the glow of a shooting star

and its disappearing vapour of luminous fire

melting my every breaking hope into black dust

take these beads

take these tears that i have collected in my shaking hands

and as you travel an uncharted path away from me

drop them in a trail behind you

so that someday i may follow them back to your love

~ Kennedy James ~

(the picture is 'angel over abu dhabi' and is a piece I did in pewter many moons ago)

In search of a rainbow

Life is short, shorter than any of us would like to believe.

One day in the first week of January 1995, I was helping my 15 yr old son Jonathan, sort out his books for school, going through a loooong list of what he had and what he still needed, before starting school the following week.

We had some heart to heart talks that day, about life and how exciting it was for him, how he was looking forward to his friend bringing back a brand new Orvis rod from the USA, and all the fishing he and his mates were going to pack in for the remainder of the summer.

I remember his enthusiasm as though it was yesterday.

He was trying to get everything wrapped up before school started, had painted his room, and sorted old clothes and taken them to a nearby orphanage.
One by one he had ticked things off his list as he accomplished them.

His grandparents lived in a remote area in the mountains near Tzaneen, in South Africa. My daughter and both of my sons loved visiting them, they loved their grandmother's cooking and the company of their grandfather, but mostly, the boys just loved fishing.

While other kids were partying and checking out the girlfriend scene, Jonathan and his three close buddies would grab their fishing rods and head for flat water, and the promise of a huge rainbow trout!

So early on Saturday I hugged the two boys tight, too tight I recall Jonathan mumbling, said my soppy mommy goodbyes and watched them drive off with their dad.

12hrs later, as the sun rose across the Dap Naude Dam, my beautiful son drowned in calm, quiet water, doing what he loved doing most in all the world.
The two boys were fly fishing off a small rowing boat, Jonathan slipped as he was casting, went over board hitting his head as he fell, and disappeared from sight.

His 10 yr old brother the only witness.

But..this blog isnt about the tragedy of his death, far from it.. its about the memory of him and the enthusiasm with which he lived his life, and how its been a constant reminder to me of how to live mine.

To never be afraid to try new things.

Life is short..and Jonathan for one..lived every single day of his 15yrs, without regret and with an energy which was a joy to witness.
Death changes those it leaves behind, it changes how we look at life, and it changes our relationships with every other person. For me and my two children, it also changed the way we were living, the way in which we handled conflict, and the intensity of our love.

We have many hurdles to cross in life, every day is a minefield it seems. Divorce, relocation and illness are huge. Losing a child is huge, and it has certainly put everything into perspective for me, for us generally as a family. It has made me choose my 'fights' a lot more carefully. The rule of 'will this matter to me in a week, a month..a year??' is one I ask myself often..if not..I let it slide..dont sweat the small stuff became my mantra..

As a family we had a definite rule of never leaving home angry, its much more than the 'not going to bed angry' rule..its actually about leaving. Accidents happen, and all too many times there is a tragedy with a lifetime of guilt attached to incidents of anger.

While we can never live our lives worrying about dying on a day to day basis, for me its always just there, tickling the back of my mind.. the thought that when I say goodbye to my loved ones that this time it just might be the last goodbye, as it once was, all those years ago
.
We need to embrace life and its challenges, and welcome the love and the nuturing, its too short to waste worrying about what might be, too short to waste on negative anticipation. To live with regret is a very heavy burden to carry for a single day, let alone a lifetime.

If life and living is done with love, there is absolutely no reason to be afraid, because sometimes we need to live life with the enjoyment of a 15yr old anticipating the start of summer..looking for rainbows,
and not worrying about whether we will find them or not.

Sand and Seagulls

The flight into Santa Barbara was uneventful.
I rushed straight from work to the airport and probably wouldn't have have made the flight at all if it hadn't been delayed..
I was soo tired, and only semi lucid throughout the flight, I hardly noticed a thing.
Did i mention im not very fond of flying..?
As we came into land the whole area was just covered in a blanket of fog,
honestly, as far as I was concerned
we could have been landing anywhere.
What I do remember though, was the contrast of the burnt forests against the white cloud.
Which of course didn't show up at all in the picture
Oh well..
I picked up a car at the airport, and headed straight for the hotel
and bed..
and slept for 12hrs!

The next day was 'The Interview',
or three, same job three seperate interviews, and then a tour of the new establishment.
A lovely small intimate Birthing Unit, with barely 30 deliveries a month!
There is a New Zealander working there already, a wonderfully friendly girl with loads of free advice....I won't feel the spare part! Both of us with a midwifery background and a focus on natural childbirth which is really good.
I loved the atmosphere and the friendliness of the staff, they seem genuinely interested in where I've been and what I have to offer in terms of experience.
(Or they pretended they did..)
The interviews didnt take too long, and by 11am I was free to explore the area.
So I rushed home, grabbed my beach gear and headed for the beach.
First I had to find my bearings, because we had flown in under heavy fog, I really had no clue as to which direction the beach was.
I decided to ask Oprah...

She wasnt in..
(she was entertaining Barack Obama..or so I heard ...!! )
But the drive up the hill was breathtaking.
A narrow twisty little road, all the way to the top, and then all of a sudden..
the whole city was spread out before me
and the beach too...

so I climbed back in the car,
no time to stop and smell any flowers...
and drove back down the narrow twisty little road
to the bottom of the hill

On the way
I passed a traveller..

who was spreading the word of peace
I think

or maybe he worked for
Mattel Toys..

Eventually I found the palm trees...

and the sea was not far behind

I kicked off my shoes, and sunk my feet into the sand
but
before I got too wet,
I needed lunch..
so..
I headed over to Fishermans Wharf

He spotted me the moment I arrived
He never took his beady little eye off me infact,

and soon got bolder..
I discovered we had a lot in common,
even though
he didnt talk much
his love for prawns
was evident
We soon became close...

But..
I must say
I was more impressed by
his plumage...
than his
table manners!

The sunset this evening on my drive into work was spectacular, as it often is in this part of the world.
The sky turns from orange to a fiery red in minutes it seems, and from most points in the city it is easy to view the gigantic saguaro cactus in bold relief. It takes my breath away every time, and I seem hell bent on acquiring as many of these sunset/sunrise pictures, with a catus in sharp relief, as is possible.
By the time I get to work and look out of the 3rd floor window though, a huge floor to ceiling window with a view across the city, only the mountains stand silhouetted on the horizon, the red sky now a dark blue turning to black as I watch.
Im hot and a little sweaty after a quick (very warm) walk with the dog. No more river wash walks Im afraid, a huge coyote was spotted there a few days ago..and I figure its really too dangerous to persue now. I stand against the window and revel in the welcome blast from the a/c.
Its a quiet evening, end of a holiday, not much scheduled stuff tonight, I expect just the normal labour patients will flow in and out during the night, some will stay most will be monitored for a short time and leave. The turnover can be fairly high some nights. For now though, people stand in groups chatting and catching up about time spent on days off, many checking email or the latest world news.
(One person is blogging...)
I think we may play a fair amount of 'bookworm' tonight

this and that

A few days off after a really hectic week at work!

I took S out for a walk late last night, and bumped into a neighbour..she had seen a coyote ( a huge one) in the river wash where i walk every day!! Sooo I guess no more river walks for me, not alone anyhow..that combined with the news of a man in our ICU who was bitten by a rattlesnake, he is a fit 36yr old..is on a ventilator critical after a single bite!

A dog wouldn't stand a chance, I know there are preventative vaccinations for rattlesnake bite for dogs, but Senga hasnt had hers.

All so scary, we tend to forget how dangerous the desert really is!