Well not peachy exactly..not right now, but soon. My sinus surgery is scheduled for Friday!
I will be in and out of hospital in a day. My son is flying down from Spokane WA., tomorrow (yayyy..) and will spend a few days with me (thanks Jenn, for sharing..)
Im really looking forward to seeing him..its been a while
She and her husband arrive early evening, in the midst of rush hour, the busiest time of a very busy night in a very busy labour and delivery unit. My patient is close to delivery and as I make my way hurriedly to the desk to call the doctor, I catch her eye as she stands, still, the fear emanating from her.
I make the call and then move over to where she stands and ask if I can help in any way, her husband puts his arm around her protectively and pulls her closer. Her face is pale and pinched looking. 'My baby hasn't moved today' she whispers.
Immediately I'm torn between a patient who is almost ready to deliver, and this couple who look to me to right their world. The choice isn't easy, I don't want to absorb her pain, it would be easy to take her to the triage room and allow someone else to take care of her, but just as her pain pushes me away it pulls me close and I quickly reassign my delivering patient, take her arm gently to a nearby examination room.
As she pulls her orange and brown striped t-shirt up over her tummy, I notice she must be close to term, I ask her questions as I ready the fetal monitoring machine. She is just 3 days away from her due date, her husband sits on the window sill nearby as she climbs onto the bed, she shivers uncontrollably and I pull a warm blanket around her.
I spread the gel over her swollen belly and move the toco across her skin in a steady pattern, the room is silent as we wait to hear the steady gallop of a baby's heart beat. There is nothing. I keep trying, I talk reassuringly I keep moving the toco, I struggle to make eye contact as her eyes never leave my face. Still nothing. I suggest we do an ultrasound. The obstetrician who I had called for the delivery is on the unit now and comes down to see her. He has such a gentle demeanour and I'm so relieved it is he who is here. He puts more gel on her belly and runs the transducer slowly across her skin, he quickly finds what he is looking for, the baby's heart. All 4 chambers clearly evident on the grainy screen, but it is still, there is no tell tale flutter, no steady beat. Just a chilling unnerving quiet, and he doesnt have to say a word, he is sitting on the edge of her bed and as he takes her hand she begins to cry.
Her sobs become a slow wail which start from deep within her and quickly reach a crescendo, until eventually she is screaming with the worst pain any mother can imagine. She climbs off the bed rips off the toco and blood pressure cuff from her body, and vomits, again and again. Her husband, the doctor and I stand helplessly by. We try to touch her, to hold her and shield her and ourselves for the pain, but she shrugs us off, and sinks to the floor. We all cry. Reams of blank tocograph paper spills from the fetal monitor and onto the floor and I'm mesmerized by it.
Over the next few hours her grief changes her, she withdraws and slips into herself and allows us to take care of her physical needs. I start an IV and the induction process is begun, her contractions hit with astounding force. As the sun rises she has her epidural and sinks into an exhausted sleep, family arrive from San Diego. Her sister creeps into bed with her and holds her close allowing her husband to get a few hours of sleep. We are all ragged with emotion but the love in the room is tangible, a sense of peace and the beginning of acceptance settles over us all as her family pour all the love they can into her.
Shiloh is born a little after lunch, a beautiful perfect baby girl. She never draws a breath...
Peering through pine needles
after early morning mist
like a fringe of eyelashes heavy with tears
I don't see many sunrises , I'm either at work or fast asleep it seems.
However this morning I left work early and drove through some heavy mist along the 101, but after driving through the tunnel the sky opened. The sun was just washing the sky with the softest pastel colours as I drove into Solvang, black silhouettes of trees and mountain contours, stark against the already lightening sky.
I stopped along the side of the road and took some pictures of the firs while the moon was just a sliver of gossamer. It looks off kilter to me now, as though I'm leaning a little to the side, but I think its the effect of looking askew through the straight row of fir trees which line the road.
Sunrises are so gentle, an easing into the day, while our sunsets are fiery and vibrant 'Tah-dah..beat that', the sun seems to say as it slips away into twilight....
e trickled along through the town, the kids all noticed Senga in the car and pressed their faces against the back window, waving and pulling funny faces giving me thumbs up signs. I just had to take a picture! 
The Santa Ana winds are in full swing, they whip off the dry leaves from the tall trees nearby and layer the ground with the varying fall colours. They crunch beneath my feet as I walk, they blow into my bedroom through the wide open sliding door onto my balcony and they fill my little garden threatening to drown they new seedlings and smother the bird baths, necessitating the need to clean and pick up each day!
I still dont have any labwork back, the test is detailed and intricate and is only done in a few centres in the US, so still I wait for results..and the rescheduling of my surgery. Its frustrating, Im not feeling great and due to the raised liver functions have been taken off all meds until the surgery!
In the meantime today Im taking my mum back to Bakersfield, driving through the mountains down into a very very hot valley, we will have lunch and I hope to be home later.
The temperatures are being pushed way up by these winds, and we are expected to reach 100F today, meantime Nic is experiencing temps of 28F up in chilly Spokane WA. The vegetation is brown and dry and there is a red flag warning for wildfires throughout most of California as we wait desperately for the winter rains.
Yesterday we went to my nearby favourite nursery, to pick up some herbs for my newest rusty bucket (I have a few) as I was grouping the various colours and heights together both dogs ran up and took big bites off of the lemon grass!! I was astounded but managed to catch a quick snap of it...they did infact keep at it until I took it away, so who knows if it will ever flourish at home! Senga walked around with this long piece of grass hanging out of her mouth as she slowly savoured every last morsal..so funny!!
Sometimes
you have to know where your way is ultimately headed
before you can fully appreciate
the road immediately beneath your feet.
What do giraffes, towering steel arches and giant African calabashes have in common with the 2010 FIFA World Cup?
They are all intriguing design elements of South Africa's FIFA World Cup stadia, rapidly taking shape in a mesh of tonnes of steel, bricks and mortar.
Conceptualised by imaginative architects and now being very quickly brought to vivid life by tens of thousands of committed construction workers, these are some of the elements that will make good on South Africa's promise of a never-before-seen African FIFA World Cup.
Picture Perfect theme this week is
oOo
Once upon a time....
.....there was beautiful princess, (surely the most beautiful in all the land), who loved to take long scented baths and would often soak in the bath tub for hours and hours on end. One such day as she was languishing amongst the bubbles, thinking of her handsome prince, and of her opulent lunch she would share with him later, (but I digress), she peered through the steam and noticed the reflection in her cold white porcelian cup of coffee. She clapped her soapy hands in glee, and immediately called her maid in waiting to get the royal camera and take a royal snapshot forthwith.
That is how the picture of the royal petticoat once reflected in the murky depths of a common beverage, is now available for viewing all across the land.
The End
'I think you need new slippers mum' says me
'Oh no these are just fine, I'm sure they'll last another year' she replies, not even glancing up from her knitting. The nights are cold here these days in-spite of the current heatwave, and her slippers are worn through at the toes which she has neatly darned with wool. I raise my eyebrows at her.
Later in the store we select some warm woolly Ugg type slippers, in a versatile tan colour. I sit on the floor, loosen her shoe and slip her foot into the soft comfort of the new slipper, I feel her thin gnarled hand on my shoulder as she steadies herself and watch her face light up as she parades in front of the mirror like a two year old.
I'm instantly transported back 40yrs or so, and its me walking the floor with my new shoes looking anxiously at my mother, wanting desperately to keep these gorgeous black patent leather shoes with a tiny little heel, that click elegantly on the parquet flooring. She slips a finger in the back of the shoe and presses hard against my toe. She nods her head and I fling my arms around her neck squealing with joy. The store assistant puts my old scuffed shoes carefully in a box and I walk out with the new ones, clicking deliberately along the pavement.
I look up at my mother, her eyes fill.
'I love these ones' and I grin.
Picture Perfects theme this week
is Communication
'hi honey Im home'
and sometimes the conversations
in my garden are deafening!
If anyone had any doubts as to whom Jon Stewart supports for President, they were cleared Tuesday night at the Project ALS benefit at the Waldorf-Astoria.
Host Ben Stiller called Stewart "America's young elder statesman of political comedy" and surmised that on his Comedy Central sendup of the news, Stewart "can't take sides."
"Oh," said Stewart. "I think it's pretty clear.
"Neither of them is perfect, but if you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do?
"[Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie 'Nell,' " Stewart continued. "They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language.
"Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five f-ing weeks ago."
A Message from the Queen:
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Well my surgery has been postponed but not because of the blood tests, but let me start at the very beginning.
I drove down to Santa Barbara early Tues morning, checked myself in to the Surgical Outpatient Dept, and waited to called through to be prepped. Rosi joined me a little later and we laughed and took pictures of our luxurious surroundings, the staff were so friendly and efficient and it wasn't long before I had been stripped down and strapped into my backless surgical gown and non slippy socks, and pushed through to the OR.
I have an unpleasant history of severe anaphylactic shock during a previous surgery as a result of a (new at that time) anaesthetic agent, so the anaesthetist took a long and careful history and checked me out thoroughly beforehand, but as you can imagine, my family and close friends are always a tad anxious when ever the word surgery is mentioned.
I was on the table wrapped snugly in warm blankets and given some Fentanyl to relax me, and floated as it crept through my body. I was then given a small (smidgeon) dose of a muscle relaxant, Rocuronium, which they give to counteract the effects of scoline which causes pain and body aches the day after a general anaesthetic. All this had been explained to me in Great Detail pre-operatively, so as I felt the burn in my IV I waited for wonderful sense of relaxation which was promised me! Within seconds my whole body was completely paralyzed, my chest wall felt as though it was gripped by bands of steel, I couldn't breathe, lift my arms open my eyes or talk. My brain however was completely awake.
Within a minute, even though to me it felt like forever, they realized I was in trouble and gave me a reversal agent. My ability to breathe came back quickly my larger muscles took longer, but I recovered pretty quickly. However the doctors both felt it unwise to continue with the surgery after such an exaggerated response to such a small dose of the medication.
I now have to see a neurologist tomorrow to rule out the possibility of any myopathies (muscle diseases) and hopefully I can then have my surgery rescheduled.
Rosi was wonderful, she took me for lunch at our favourite little haunt just around the corner from the hospital and then booked us into a hotel for the night (after all the meds I had been given I was in no state to drive home to Solvang)
I'm fine today a little hungover maybe and a little disappointed the surgery wasnt done, but so glad to be alive and extremely thankful for the expertise and warm loving care from the doctors and nursing staff.
And so we move on....
We all have times in which we lose focus and feel overwhelmed by life and all its stuff. Add to this a lack of sleep, a rushed schedule and I guess its no wonder I feel a little haywire, as though my compass is a little off. I miss my family and K with a deep and undeniable passion, but I have a gravitational pull of the heart strings in so many different physical directions which at times makes me feel positively rootless.
My surgery day is Tues, and the day which always seems to have been over there on the horizon, is now within reach and I'm honestly so glad it is. I have been feeling a little more ill each day. I feel as though I'm coming down with something most days, not desperately ill, but not quite right either. It affects my ability to cope with little things, to deal with the mundane, my fuse seems short and I'm easily brought to tears.
My mum is here to take care of me, but I will spend the first few nights down in Santa Barbara with Rosi as the surgeon wants me close to the hospital for a while. At last I am having my sinus surgery done, reconstruction of some bones within my sinuses, and my septum straightened, all sounds terribly fussy but anything just to feel well again..gimme a day without a headache pleeease!
Anyhow I will be in good hands, with friends around that care and my dear mum to make copious amounts of chicken soup, hover and fuss. I have oodles of hours of primetime TV on Tivo to catch up on, (with my luck my eyes will be swollen shut for the two weeks I'm at home, but anyhow...) I plan to put my feet up and catch up with my self in as many ways as is possible.
I will be back when I'm able...
What am I???
Well my little sweethearts what have we here....
animal mineral vegetable..
or other?
Lets see if you can guess just who or what I am
And if youre stuck, stumped without a clue
you all know exactly what to do
just ask a simple question and I'll say
Yay or Nay....
The game may last a minute , an hour or even a day
Good Luck little ones..rubs hands with glee
they never ever manage to stump
little ole me...
hehehehe
and now I have to eat my words..
Star and Lanie managed to guess this one, well actually Lanie's Kid did (Lanie guessed Rice Crispies, which was wrong wrong wrong..)..Star the winner because she guessed exactly what it was....well done!!
Here is the FULL version...
Marilyn Monroe at Universal Studios
Picture Perfect's theme this week is
Rhyme Time
oOo
Ants In My Pants
(..this is their Queen)
The only way any of us get to live forever is through memory. Tucked away some place safe by those whose lives we have touched. Leaving a soul print is our comfort and emotional nourishment at the end of the day, and at the end of a life. I read this on my Starbucks coffee cup at some point while Jess was here, and while it isn't quoted verbatim, and I cant remember who said them, the crux of the meaning is there.
Our family has had snatches of happiness like this for years it seems, we fall into the comfort and love easily and quickly as though we have never been apart, but all the while we spend the time together intensely too, knowing it wont last, and that the thought of goodbyes are always just a touch away. We've learned to live in the moment though and not let the goodbyes overshadow the happiness and joy we experience.
We had the most wonderful two weeks Jess and I, and have taken hundreds of pictures which I need to organize and upload and will share with you over the next few days/weeks/months ad nauseum!
The most fun was the day we spent at Universal Studios, It's been a long time since I have laughed so hard and so long with anyone, or been more terrified either. I'm not a 'ride' person, I don't need to climb on a roller-coaster to experience a thrill, really...anyhow I was under the impression that the rides at Universal are tame...! Ha! 'The Simpsons Ride'..just a virtual reality ride, nearly scared me half to death, I kept closing my eyes trying to fool my brain into thinking we hadn't moved at all, not a damn, I was scared rigid. Jess had to peel my arms off the headrest in front of me and lead me wide eyed and shaking to the next 'experience'..all the while wiping the tears of laughter from her face with one hand and covering my screaming mouth with the other. Then there was Waterworld (pyrotechnic fun) The Mummy (rollercoaster ride..done in darkness) and Jurassic Park,(water ride with scary fake dinasaurs) and Shrek 4D (more my style) ..actually Curious George was more my style...sigh, it was all fun, we ate too much spent too much and laughed just enough..it was great!
We woke early yesterday morning and made our way through the empty streets of Hollywood to LAX airport, unpacked and repacked her heavily laden suitcases (in front of thousands..always fun) trying to spread the load. We did and then waited in line for almost half an hour to get through security. Suddenly we were at the front and weren't feeling brave and chipper at all, the tears flowed freely as we held each other tightly for one last touch...
Now we have all these wonderful memories which we can call up at will and savour randomly, and it seems to me this is how we should be living our lives, creating meaningful moments that live on, because memories matter, so make them good ones.
The time has flown by too fast as we knew it would, today we take a drive down to LA where we will spend our last two days, and then Jess catches her flight back home (via Atlanta) on Friday.
I love you so much my girl...thank you so much for coming all this way, its been a little piece of heaven for me..
last touch..
Mom xxx
