Happy New You!

Well you know how it is, its a time we make ridiculous promises about how we are going make the year marvelous..our lives richer and then even if we do very little about it we still feel good for trying!

Actually I'm as guilty as the next person! Each year though, rather than make superficial minor changes in my life I swear to have a rather expansive overhaul..on just about everything. I wake on the 1st feeling ever so much better, because in my mind if you've thought about it, a lot, then hell you're half way there!

I've spent so much time thinking during the past 3-4 months while Ive been pretty much incapacitated. Thinking about life and some of my choices in the past, thinking about what I REALLY do want to gain from life in the future..from my life. Ive spent so much time thinking of the past, the good/great times Ive had of life back in South Africa and the way things were when I was an integral part of my children's lives, yes I know I still am important to them, I do..I am, but its in a very different way, one that is positive and right and just as it should be, something which has happened quite spontaneously on their part as they have grown but which has taken some adjustment in my own head. Being sick hasn't been fun, but it has made me slow down and look inward, outward..and forward!

With these thoughts uppermost in my mind I have managed to have a major clean out of some old boxes, to sort out what worth keeping and what is not, to clean out my art room and the guest room, and as I went through some old memento's I found a small box with a selection of photos when my children were small, some drawings from my grand children and my daughter's wedding invitation. Tucked inside was a letter to me from my dad written when Jonathan was born. Its a simply written one page letter, and as there were some complications with my son's breathing, my dad was obviously concerned and seemed not to understand the full implications of the problem other that they were serious and caused me distress. Without the usual platitudes he just tried to allay my fears and comfort using his favourite phrase 'this too shall pass..' I could not have have read this at a better time and it moved me profoundly. I felt as though he had leaned over and put his hand on my shoulder and consoled me just as he used to. My dad was always my problem solver, he made my troubles go away..in a good positive way. Who would ever have known that 31yrs later the words would have had such a huge effect on me, as I cried I read the letter over and over and honestly those words could have been written yesterday. I felt peaceful and above all, I felt hopeful.

No one can define our lives, we do that ourselves, through all the times of immeasurable pain or times of even fleeting joy and happiness we choose how to react or respond and without any doubt in my mind I know we get back what we give out to the world and to others.

Nothing is more certain than than the knowledge that in 2011 there will be hurt, there will be illness, pain and death..but my friends there will be love and healing, happiness and times of togetherness too and through it all no matter what our belief system may be..all will be well, all of it.

I wish you and yours, courage, strength and love for this coming year, it may not be easy..but it will be yours!

x

The Windmill

Bright white sunlight glistens through paper cut out clouds

bouncing off the slow churning steel

as the wind pulls the life force from the earth

one precious memory at a time...

Merry Christmas!

I am amazed each year at how different each Christmas has become for me, both physically and emotionally and as I woke this morning I got to thinking how many very different Christmases I've had, all over the world.

Our Christmas holidays back home were always spent with children and then eventually grandchildren, and even when I worked in the UAE the children came through to spend Christmas with me, or I went home even if it was just for a week, such chaotic busy full times. Empty nest issues hits us hard over the holidays usually when we least expect it, we can ignore the feelings and push on regardless, but it catches up with us at some minuscule point. This year I find myself yearning for home, longing for a sense of family.. not morose though, just a little wistful.

Being so far apart I worry our family Christmas traditions will fade and no one will remember the things we used to do together on Christmas eve.. Christmas day, and that no matter how hard we try things change and so much stuff will be forgotten. I love that they still do puzzles each Christmas though, and wait til after church to open presents..perhaps they will make their own traditions and even if one or two are sustained its enough.

No matter which way you look at it, there are very few folk who relish spending this season alone, As tough as I think I am and as much as I enjoy my own company, its really difficult being without those you love all year round, and over the holiday season.

I have spoken to both my children today, it was good to hear them happy and content and exactly where they want to be. My daughter has her sister in law and hubby and little girl there for Christmas and the other Granny arrives tomorrow. They were wrapping last minute gifts and making trifle for lunch tomorrow, laughing through the mess. Nic and Jenn were out shopping at 'Wally's World' and even though the shops were crazy busy, they sounded peaceful and happy, just going with the flow! They will be having a quiet day together tomorrow.

My mum is here, and we made some Christmas mince pies today, an old family tradition, and even though I'm still off work still far from well, I felt it was the least I could do. How things have changed for her, and yet she never ever complains. She took her first bite and said 'Now it feels like Christmas' and that made the effort (and the sweats) all worthwhile!

Merry Christmas everyone, be kind to one another!

The Message remains the same...

Its Raining its Pouring

We don't see rain too often here in Bakersfield! After 2 days of solid heavy downpours with wide reports of flooding in many areas, (the car park at the mall has been renamed Lake Walmart) the city of Bakersfield has been declared a local emergency area, and yet in-spite of it all many were out and about enjoying the rain anyway they could.

I took the dogs down to the park, which is completely flooded, and let Senga have her way with the water! There were people boogie boarding, body boarding playing football..it was fun to watch! As it was raining heavily I never took my camera so all the pics are from the newspaper.

http://www.bakersfield.com/news/local/x1680088423/Flood-advisory-issued-in-eastern-Kern-as-rain-keeps-coming

Both dogs had a bath, much to their horror, and I had a hot bath myself some home made soup and curled up in front of the fire. My sitting room is so cozy and cheerful during winter, my absolute favourite spot in the house.

I've had a few grim days health wise and so it felt good to get out and breathe in fresh clean air and get a bit of exercise. I had a CAT scan on Thursday which has shown a lesion in my lung, one which wasn't there on the first XRay/MRI, so tomorrow may see a change in medication I guess. I have been told that some folk need to remain on their meds and have symptoms for up to a year, it seems I may be one of those. Its difficult to describe fatigue and muscle pain, its also difficult to say I'm not feeling up to doing something when I don't look at all ill. Anyhow my mum arrives tomorrow and rather than me look after her, the tables have turned somewhat!

Where are they now?

they have just arrived in Acapulco

Maggie

and their freezer is FULL!!

The Sing Off

I hope everyone is watching this awesome production of raw vocal talent. The second season of The Sing Off ends next week, the acapella group who wins receives a recording contract and $100,000.

Makes Idol seem quite boring actually....

these are some of my faves:

Finale on Monday at 8pm PST..

Tis the season to be generous

I received a heartfelt plea for this evening..from a good friend. Thanks for the link Ieneke!

In his own words Will (Astra) rarely if ever writes about friends, family or colleagues, this week is different. A very close friend of his is in dire straits and may find herself (and her child) homeless by the end of the month. Read his blog, link to her page and read her blogs too..they are incredible!

And then just do the right thing...

http://savemyfriendincalifornia.blogspot.com/

Wordless Wednesday

Kindle.. My Fire

I am now the proud owner of a Kindle, and I'm not sure I should feel this thrilled...I thought I would miss the smell of the pages as they turn, the feel of books in my hands, and while I do miss the casual-ness with which I handle books, not disrespect, but rather a familiarity I think, I now grasp my Kindle gingerly afraid to drop it, my children humprh and say they think I treat it with a LOT more care than I ever did them. Which is obviously not entirely true I swear.

Sure I will never be able to use it in the bath...or on my floaty in the pool (I have a history with electronics and water you see) Yet still I revel in this new found, slim lined piece of equipment that gives me access to books, newspapers and periodical from around the globe at the touch of a finger and a fraction of the cost, reduces my carbon footprint and will save me an enormous amount of packing space when I move.

Now I'm searching for a little case to hold this little darling, a leather bound one which opens like a real book and will protect the screen..am thinking it shall be red...

Picture Perfect ~ Cabin Fever

Welcome to

Picture Perfect and our weekly photo challenge!

The Rules of Play are HERE

on our home page.

this weeks theme is

CABIN FEVER

all pictures this week must be taken indoors

the picture is unaltered and proof that poor housekeeping makes for gorgeous photography

Two months ago I was diagnosed with Coccidioidomycosis or Valley Fever as its commonly known, which is endemic to this area..and while I do think I'm better than I was 4 or 5 weeks ago I'm still struggling with severe muscle camps, joint pains, chest pains occasional fevers and sweats...and extreme exhaustion. I'm on huge doses of medications which make me nauseous and have affected my sense of taste. I'm getting better though, see the Dr regularly and have bloods drawn every two weeks.

I am on sick leave for another month, rest (and meds) appear to be the only cure, and as my energy levels are so ridiculously low I'm more or less house bound most days with a few really good days in between.

My theme this week reflects my mood... and my inability to even do the dusting! However housework can wait I feel, I have TIVO (much more than a DVR) and my Kindle, two faithful pups who never leave my side and phone-calls from my beloved! Its given me an enormous time for reflection too and confirmed the realization that health, love and family are of paramount importance, and how often we take all three as a given!

Have a great week everyone!

Kids, Dog, Water...

..me on the side with camera = muddy disaster

..moments before the rambunctious Buff, (a Staffy pup) bowled me over knocking me and my Canon into the mud! Needless to say no-one got the prize winning picture!!

whew