Wordless Wednesday

where I take the picture..and you post the caption!

Run Forrest Run

Oh gosh what a day...but its done and I did it! I look like hell in this (I felt like hell) but I was elated, and then sat and had a good cry..happy tears. It was cold and overcast with a slight drizzle (typical SF morning weather)when we started, which was chaotic not well organized I must say..but with thousands of people running it must be a logistical nightmare! I did a slow time, but better than I anticipated..not my best run I was too hyped up my muscles felt tense and I struggled to relax..funny Im still struggling...LOL...gosh on my drive back I had to keep stopping and walking around, to ease the pain! I feel as though Ive been running with the bulls..and they got me!! The climb up the few stairs to my apartment when i got home, almost killed me..

Soo Im off to bed, but just wanted to share a few pics first....theres many more..sorry...

Picture Perfect ~ (3 in one)

Its

PICTURE PERFECTS

Summer Competition 2012

I have been ridiculously busy this past month..so here are my contributions for the past three weeks...

bends and angels

before my time

translucent

Bean Genes

As promised, a few more details about the above pic. My sister and I found a folder of old pictures while we were packing up the house..and figured this one was taken in around 1963/4, It was taken in Piggs Peak, Swaziland on our front lawn, with the beautiful Lebombo mountain range in the background, sitting on the old green bench my grand father made... which my daughter still has on her front porch!

My grandparents are in the front row with the grandchildren, they immigrated to South Africa from Scotland, my gran Margaret.. was 8yrs old and my granddad Hugh, was 21...they met and married in Barberton, in the then Eastern Transvaal...he never lost his strong Scottish brogue. They had three children, Colin, Alison..my mum..and Hugh. They were both well into their 90's when they died and got to see their great grandchildren...my children.

My parents are standing in the middle.. with my mums brothers and their wives on either side.

The cousins in the front belong to the parents behind them respectively..the first of three children each. Only three of the cousins are still in South Africa, the rest in Zimbabwe, USA..one in San Fransisco...and Australia.

My Uncle Hugh (far right) was killed in a car accident when his children were young, Jess was 1yr, his wife lives in the UK now, Colin died last year and my aunt lives in Whiteriver in a cottage on my cousins property. My dad died 20yrs ago from emphysema related illnesses...a life time smoker!

Jonathan was Jonathan Hugh...and Joshua my grandson is Joshua Hugh..

And... that is where our dear Hughey gets his name from too..

A Cold Shoulder

Oh what a month its been, starting a new job, moving into a new apartment..in a new city, negotiating a new area..getting lost.. time and time again, remembering, finding myself, driving back and forth to Bakersfield 3 times to load up plants, fragile and valuable articles and then of course to fetch my sweet dogs. Each time my car was packed to capacity and that would mean a slow drive back..and of course each article including heavy plants which needed to be unpacked and lugged up a flight of stairs. As I said to my daughter on the phone today 'note to self: decrease use of estrogen this week' heavens I was a weepy mess yesterday, it was all just too much, and then as I will explain..a little multiply drama added to my distress.

All this time of living between two places, trying to help my sister with the clean up and sorting through years of 'stuff' between us, watching my mother working harder than she should, just took its toll on me and I had a very tearful day. I walked around with my coffee in hand early yesterday morning and said my goodbyes to all my special places in the garden and around the house, remembering bits of everything and everyone who has shared the time with me in that space. Its a special house it truly is, with an amazing aura of peace and..forgiveness too I think. I wrote a thank you note to the house abd pushed it deep into a crevice in the woodwork..

I am still in orientation at work, but being on days threw a wrench in the works and so I decided that leaving my dogs with my mom would be kinder than having them cooped up all day in the apartment. Ugh, I was bereft without them, but they are here with me now and never let me out of their sight. They're enjoying playing with the kids in the complex and exploring their new surroundings, new walks, new parks to explore. Its the most comforting thing having them here, Ive kissed them to pieces today..it really feels like home now.

Mid morning today, the cable guy sorted out the issue with my internet I was in a 'captive portal' he said (wth?) anyhow I don't care, its working now and that too is comforting! Sometime the day before I realized a friend had deleted me from her contact list, someone who I thought I was pretty close to.

We have never had an argument, not fallen out Ive always been supportive of her..and she me. We didn't visit each others blogs everyday, I know I certainly don't need that, but apparently she does. I sent her a pm, sad and wondering why there hadn't been any discussion first. My explaining that I was basically offline for the past month with just my phone to communicate, didn't seem to appease her in the slightest, I had made a huge error in judgement you see, I had popped onto multiply two weeks ago and commented on somebody elses blog and even visited hers. I was gobsmacked. Really?

My explanations ceased before they started to sound whiny..she apologized (in a roundabout-making excuses kind of way) and asked if I would like to be re-added?

I took the rest of yesterday and last night to think about that, and realized that nothing would change, I would get too busy to visit her blog everyday, I would forget to go there..I wouldn't find the subject matter interesting enough..daily..whatever..there would always be something, she would get pissed and we would be dancing the same dance..I said as much. It is what it is. I was and am saddened by the whole situation, however.. the fury ..the backlash, the cruel accusing words that followed.. reaffirmed my decision, and I'm left wondering if I ever really knew the person...

I also thought long and hard about what it is that makes someone delete and totally erase someone from your life, I know how long it takes me to get to that point, how much abuse and public humiliation I have endured before wiping the slate clean and saying NO MORE! It was wayyy more than someone not visiting my page frequently, heavens I have friends on my list that visit once or twice a year..and when they do I'm thrilled to hear from them.

So just to end, I'm sorry if I don't get around to all your pages everyday/week/month..but I don't want to feel obliged or coerced to visit any-ones site, I don't want anyone to feel obliged to visit mine. I don't care if you lurk and read and don't comment, I don't mind in the least if you only comment or visit once a year. If we have a connection then you matter to me, and you would need to do to me (or one of my friends) something so awful, something life changing, so that my relationship with you is also challenged.. before I cut ties with you.

Anyhow, this is not about the person who deleted me, but rather about the impulsive behaviour. We've all been there and done that, I know I have, and we've regretted it afterwards, but very very few of us would still be blogging if we made consistent, regular visits to ones page a rule of engagement, because life happens..and that will always take precedence over blogging.

Its late and I've probably said too much, here's wishing you peace and love and all that good stuff ..heavens we all need so much more of it..smiles...

The Cable Guy

If you dont fix it bud, Im going to set my dogs on you...

Where ever you lay your hat...

I had my first day at work today, the new kid for the day..tomorrow I'll know I little more, and probably get from my car to the unit without having to ask the way. I'm working days this month which has thrown a spanner in the works, and so Ive needed to leave my dogs back in Bakersfield for another week, it also means I'll have another trip down to bring them back..ugh I'm getting tired of that road!

The painting in the new apartment hasn't been completed, Ive been too busy running back and forth from classes, Bakersfield and now work..and unpacking as much as I can in between. Ive been on some great runs in the park nearby, and long walks through the neighbourhood..I'm getting a good feel for the area and cant wait for a few days off which don't entail getting in my car for 4 hrs..and exploring a little more.

Last Friday evening I wept buckets as I drove into Bakersfield (who would have thunk!?) as soon as I saw the canals shimmering in the sunset, the orchards..and felt the heat seeping through the window that I'd opened just a crack my chest squeezed and the tears flowed. Every walk every sunset..every memory came rushing back and brought me to me knees. I pulled over, climbed out the car and leaning against my car looked across the valley to the place I'd lived for the past 3yrs.

Later that evening I had a call from a friend I worked with at BMH, and as i sat listening to the recent changes I realized I was so glad not to have their drama to deal with, the ridiculous workload and the sense that management just doesn't have your back, or care about your opinion...and I know I have made the right decision to make a move.

Its always hard leaving a place where you've known such happiness, shared wonderful memories with people you're loved deeply, and worked side by side with amazing colleagues during the toughest of times which generated a cohesiveness I may not ever share again.

For now though I need my own space..my own memories and my own future..whatever that may be...

Wordless Wednesday

where I take the picture and you post the caption

A Tearful Tuesday